Beth has cracked the half century

Near Henley Beach Road in their brand new abode

Young Bruce and Agnes felt harried

Their conjugal joys had created two boys

And a girl, five years since they married


“Let’s not reproduce,” said Agnes to Bruce

But along came Beth, the exception

When egg and sperm sailed through a diaphragm that failed

With love, but crap contraception


Baby sister to three, at five she could ski

And swim, but far more dismaying

We remember the time at school footy she’d climb

The goalpost while Jeremy’s playing


The last among four, room by the back door

Flipped round like a pinball by brothers

On each family drive, she learnt to survive

Perched on the handbrake near mother


The lessons she learnt in her memory were burnt

At the base of our pecking order

In ’76 she learnt some new tricks

At Woodlands, as a term boarder


But time marches on; Jon and Jeremy gone

And life took on new dimension

At the Bay, Holdfast pub and Glenelg Sailing Club

Young Barry gained her attention


They dated, then Bazz, who was also known as

A sparkie with latent potential

Sought Bruce man to man and asked for her hand

His manner quite reverential


Elizabeth Ann had landed her man

At twenty-one she would marry

When on her Hen’s Night, she got somewhat tight

But not half as shit-faced as Barry


The wedding had class, but moments of farce

That had the bride’s mum in a vapour

Thongs on a guest’s feet; best man took some heat

Glen’s speech was on toilet paper


Their conjugal bliss produced Cassie and Chris

Carefully planned impregnation

Postponing not bad, unlike Mum ’n’ Dad

Five years, without procreation


With family in tow, to Port Elliot she’d go

Each Boxing Day without failure

And then for a change, she took time to arrange

A lap of Western Australia


Up the river as well with a glass of moselle

Or Sauvignon Blanc, more lately

Half-living on skis, the hair in her breeze

She now passes time more sedately


From netball retired, her knees have expired

But it doesn’t affect her enjoyment

Of good times with mates, nor the trip to the States

Nor the up side of unemployment


Synonymous with ‘nice’ and lacking in vice

Not once in a penitentiary

A role model wife, been good all her life

Beth has cracked the half century