Beth has cracked the half century

Near Henley Beach Road in their brand new abode

Young Bruce and Agnes felt harried

Their conjugal joys had created two boys

And a girl, five years since they married

*

“Let’s not reproduce,” said Agnes to Bruce

But along came Beth, the exception

When egg and sperm sailed through a diaphragm that failed

With love, but crap contraception

*

Baby sister to three, at five she could ski

And swim, but far more dismaying

We remember the time at school footy she’d climb

The goalpost while Jeremy’s playing

*

The last among four, room by the back door

Flipped round like a pinball by brothers

On each family drive, she learnt to survive

Perched on the handbrake near mother

*

The lessons she learnt in her memory were burnt

At the base of our pecking order

In ’76 she learnt some new tricks

At Woodlands, as a term boarder

*

But time marches on; Jon and Jeremy gone

And life took on new dimension

At the Bay, Holdfast pub and Glenelg Sailing Club

Young Barry gained her attention

*

They dated, then Bazz, who was also known as

A sparkie with latent potential

Sought Bruce man to man and asked for her hand

His manner quite reverential

*

Elizabeth Ann had landed her man

At twenty-one she would marry

When on her Hen’s Night, she got somewhat tight

But not half as shit-faced as Barry

*

The wedding had class, but moments of farce

That had the bride’s mum in a vapour

Thongs on a guest’s feet; best man took some heat

Glen’s speech was on toilet paper

*

Their conjugal bliss produced Cassie and Chris

Carefully planned impregnation

Postponing not bad, unlike Mum ’n’ Dad

Five years, without procreation

*

With family in tow, to Port Elliot she’d go

Each Boxing Day without failure

And then for a change, she took time to arrange

A lap of Western Australia

*

Up the river as well with a glass of moselle

Or Sauvignon Blanc, more lately

Half-living on skis, the hair in her breeze

She now passes time more sedately

*

From netball retired, her knees have expired

But it doesn’t affect her enjoyment

Of good times with mates, nor the trip to the States

Nor the up side of unemployment

*

Synonymous with ‘nice’ and lacking in vice

Not once in a penitentiary

A role model wife, been good all her life

Beth has cracked the half century

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jon Cocks is a playwright, novelist, blogger and writer of narrative verse.

If you want a personalised poem especially written in the style of Banjo Paterson for a wedding, or birthday, or other special occasion, contact Jon at joncocks@tpg.com.au …

Rates vary according to length desired and time taken to consult, write and edit to your satisfaction.